Sailor Moon Baseball
By Scott DeLahunt

Rating: G

Play-by-play (P): Good afternoon!  Welcome to beautiful Ottawa Stadium
for the Pre-Game Show before the Sailor Senshi-Dark Kingdom Overlord
exhibition game.  I'm Ukyou, your play-by-play for today's game and
joining me is Chad, our color commentator.

Color (C): Hiya!

P: Today's pre-game show is brought to you by Sailor Mercury Bubble
Bath.  We'll be back after these messages.

[Commercial:
Sailor Mercury: After a long day fighting evil invaders, I find that
taking a bath helps me relax.  There's nothing like soaking in the tub
with my favorite book.  But I found that most bubble baths don't give me
enough bubbles.  That's why I use Sailor Mercury Bubble Bath.  I can
soak for as long as I want, and I don't ever run out of bubbles.  So if
you'll excuse me, Mercury Bubbles... Bath!]

P: Welcome back.  On today's game, we'll have interviews with members of
both teams and with today's home plate umpire.  But first, here's Chad
with a background of today's teams.

C: The Sailor Senshi have beaten the Dark Kingdom Overlords many times
before, but each game has been hard fought.  The Overlords have often
signed Tuxedo Mask, the Senshi's scheduled starting pitcher, to short
term contracts, but he always winds up returning to the Senshi.

The Senshi have a strong starting line-up at most positions.  Sailor
Moon, who plays first base, is erratic at times, but can come through in
the crunch.  The middle of the line-up, Sailor Uranus and Sailor
Jupiter, have sent more balls out of the park than the rest of the
Senshi combined.  Sailor Mars, playing the hot corner, and Sailor Venus
represent base-running threats.  The line-up is weak in the bottom
third, but Sailor Mercury and Sailor Saturn are amazing defensively.

P: I guess you could say they're outstanding in the field.

C: No, they're in the locker room.

P: Never mind.

C: The Overlords have had a huge change in their line-up ever since they
assimilated two other teams.  Alan and Ann, a brother and sister infield
duo are difficult to beat.  Rubeus at third covers the hot corner well
and adds some power to the line-up.  And despite their rivalry, Nephrite
and Malachite provide a good one-two punch in the Overlords' line-up.

P: Thank you, Chad, for that insight.  Now go down for your interview
with Ann.

C: Down ... there?

P: Yes, now get!

Background Noise (BN:) >footsteps< Yaa! >thump!<>crash<

C: I'm okay.  I just landed on my head!

P: Oh good, no damage.

Joining me in the broadcast booth is Sailor Mercury, whose talent at
second base is unmatched.  Hello.

Sailor Mercury: Hello.

P: I understand that you've been busy these past few months.

Sailor Mercury: Oh, yes.  I've been in several fan fictions, exploring
the depths of my character.  I've also been studying hard for exams.

P: But aren't exams a few months off?

Sailor Mercury: You can never be overprepared.

P: So how did you like your work in the fanfics?

Sailor Mercury: There are some I prefer not to mention.  It's not like I
had to wear anything strange, though.  I heard that Sailor Moon once had
to wear a canoe for an entire story.

P: A canoe?

Sailor Mercury: Yes.  She's trying to get a part in a new fanfic, where
she is a broker in Toronto.

P: What is it like, playing on the Senshi?  It must get in the way of
your schoolwork.

Sailor Mercury: It does sometimes, but I try to get as far ahead as
possible.  I worry about the others, though.  I try to help them, but
sometimes I think Sailor Moon is a lost cause.  If she would only take
her studies seriously.

P: Well, thank you for your time.

Sailor Mercury: You're welcome.

P: We now go down to Chad who is standing by with Ann.

C: Thank you, Ukyou.  I'm here with Ann, the Overlords' shortstop.
Hello, Ann

Ann: Hello.

C: I understand that you and your brother Alan are the newest players
on the Overlords.

Ann: Yes.  We were getting tired of playing cards.  It got dangerous
when one of us got a royal flush.

C: One thing I've noticed is that you never have any problems throwing
to first.  Is this because Alan is playing first?

Ann: Yes.  We've tossed several things around as children, balls,
Frisbees, Sailor Senshi,...

BN: [beautiful but haunting flute music]

C: Gee, that's a nice tune.  Who wrote that?

Ann: Alan!

C: Alan?  Your brother?  I didn't kno... hey!  Wait up!  We're still
having an interview!

Ann: Al-an!

BN: [flute music fades]

Alan: Ah, that girl in the booth up there.  So beautiful, so
fascinating.  I must make her mine.

Ann: AL-AN!

Alan: Ann, how are you doing?

Ann: What was that you said about that girl up there?

Alan: Did I say that out loud?  And what about the time you're spending
with him?

C: Uh, can we get back to the interview?

Ann: Him?  Are you kidding?

Alan: True.  He does appear to be a pest.  Pick a Cardian, Ann.  Any
Cardian.

C: Uh, what's going on?

Cardian: Vampyr!

P: While Chad is busy running for his life, we'll take this commercial
break, then be right back with an interview with Greg, the home plate
umpire for today's game.

[Commercial:
New from SM Enterprises, for all your emergency needs...  The Moon
Healing Escalator!  For any emergency over your head.]

P: Welcome back to the Pre-Game Show, brought to you by Irwin, makers of
the new Sailor Sam doll, now available in two uniforms, blue and red.

I'm here with the home plate umpire, Greg. Wel-

Greg: Thank you, Ukyou.

P: Yes.  So, Greg, what do yo-

Greg: The two teams are evenly matched.  I cannot take sides, but
today's game will be easy to umpire.

P: Do you want-

Greg: Yes, please keep asking your questions.  How else will I be able
to answer them?

P: Of course.  I understand that you and-

Greg: Yes, Sailor Mercury and I have a relationship.  A long distance
one right now.  This is the first time in a long time that I've seen her
in person.

P: Are you wor-

Greg: There has never been any favoritism.  Sailor Mercury and I respect
each other too much for either of us to give the other a break.

P: Will you let me-

Greg: Sorry, I should really let you finish your questions.

P: Thank you.  What do see for today's game?

Greg: That would be telling.  But the game will be close and hard
fought.  Don't leave before the ninth inning.

P: Thank -

Greg: Your welcome.

P: Grrr.

Greg: And be careful with your spatula.

P: What?

BN: >KLUNG!<

C: Ow!  Whatya do that for?

P: We'll be right back after these messages.

[Commercial:
Sailor Jupiter: My friend Sailor Venus tries very hard to be helpful,
but sometimes, her best effort causes more problems than they solve.
(scene: Minako running around thinking that she cut off her thumb.)
Sailor Jupiter: That's why I came up with my new easy to make
croissants.
Sailor Venus: Venus Croissant... Bake!
Sailor Jupiter: Look for it in your grocer's freezer section.]

P: We're back at beautiful Ottawa Stadium, home of the Governor's Cup
champions Ottawa Lynx, for the Pre-Game show.  Stay tuned for today's
game between the Sailor Senshi and the Dark Kingdom Overlords.  We'll be
back after this.

C: But we just came back.

P: And we're going again.  We need to pay for the damage your head made
to the concrete.

C: Oh.

P: Stay tuned for today's game, after this.

[Commercial:
Kids!  Are you tired of using your imagination to pretend that your
Sailor Moon toys are doing what they did on TV?  Well, now you no longer
need your imagination!  New!  From Bandai, real Sailor Moon equipment.
You too can change youma back into your friends with Sailor Moon's
Crescent Moon Wand.  You can now call your very own Pegasus with the new
Twinkle Bell.  And for when you are with your real friends, have some of
them play the villains with the new Dark Crystal.  Yes, change friends,
relatives, complete strangers into youma with a wave of your hand.  Need
energy for your plants?  Get your own Deck of Cardians!  All the fun
from the TV show can be yours!  Order today!

Bandai is not responsible for any damage or injury inflicted when these
toys are used.]